Telling People

The first person I told my diagnosis to was my live-in boyfriend.  It was simple and there was no drama since the prognosis was good.  If it was the other way around I probably wouldn't be anymore worried than he was.  I'd probably been more worried about whether he could stay on top of his appointments and finances. 

The day after the diangosis I rode with my brother and his wife to visit my other brother several hours away for a long weekend.  We were visiting for our niece's high school graduation.  I thought about telling my brother and wife on the way there but it didn't seem like a conversation to have in a car.  I knew I wasn't going to mention this once there since it was meant to be a celebratory weekend. I couldn't bring myself to tell them on the way home either. It took me about 3 weeks after diagnosis to tell my brothers and dad.  I wanted to have more information like the surgery date before I told them.  My mom thankfully lives overseas so I did not have to burden her with the bad news.  She would just worry so I chose not tell her.  My brothers, their families, and dad took it well.  I know they are there for me if I need anything, but there really wasn't much that I needed, and what little I did need my boyfriend could step in.  

Telling some friends seemed easier than telling other friends. I am not sure why.  One of the first friends I told was one who had a family history of breast cancer.  I think I wanted to know what she knew since I knew nothing about breast cancer when I was diagnosed.  I told another friend who had a history of another type of cancer.  There I think I was seeking to connect with someone who have been through something similar.  I also told friends I saw in person regularly since I wanted them to understand if I could not hang out like before. I told few others who were remote if they ask how it's going or how I'm doing.  There are some friends I feel like I should let know, simply because they are good friends, but I didn't.  I had mixed feelings about telling friends.  Partly because I didn't really know what good it would do other than to serve as a reminder to get their screenings.  Partly because I didn't want to worry people.

Work wise, I decided to tell my boss once I had a surgery date.  I asked him to let the rest of the team know while I was out as I didn't think I could talk about it in front of the team.  I had been doing really well at work and had so much potential in this new team that I had just joined in March of this year.  Unfortunately, this diagnosis was likely to change my ability to operate at the same level as before, and I wanted to set expectations.