Since going back to work early August, I had felt pretty overwhelmed between work, doctors appointments, treatments, and trying to stay on top of my health. It really had not been going well at all. I was mentally and physically exhausted, and I found myself stress eating often. I had regained the weight I'd lost during the 4 weeks I had off from work after the surgery. I was not feeling healthy at all. A week into my FMLA for radiation treatment though, I was starting to feel a little better. This weekend was Neptune Festival, and I wanted to go see the sand sculptures and other festivities going on at the oceanfront. I just needed to do something fun, something to remind myself why I'm fighting to live. Coincidentally, a friend reached out and wanted to do the same. I did not feel too well the Saturday, but I felt I could manage on the Sunday so we went.
Every year at the festival there is a sand sculpting contest and that was our first stop. There were many very beautiful sculptures. There was one in particular though that really spoke to me and was my vote for People's Choice award. The sculpture was titled "Run, Run, Run!" by sculptors Thomas Koet of USA and Nikolai Torkhov of Russia. It was less about the artistry than the theme to me, but it did win 3rd place so I think it must've spoke to some of the judges too.
Life is short, slow down so you don’t waste it! This sculpture is about the busy times in our lives, where we rush, day in, day out just to get through the week. It is so easy to forget to take a breath and try to enjoy our lives but we might miss out if we don’t take a break every now and then.
On one side of the sculpture there was a man hooked up to an IV, wearing a suit and running to work. First thing that crossed my mind was "That's me!" I had been trying to juggle work while undergoing cancer treatment, which has been stressful in many ways. I finally came to my senses and took FMLA/STD again starting this week but I wondered what the future holds for me. What if I don't tolerate my medication well and feel sick all the time? What if there is a recurrence? What if I want to live a healthier lifestyle not working at a desk 40 hours a week? The healthcare system in US is very expensive so health insurance is very expensive. If I lose my current work benefits and had to go on COBRA for health insurance, it would cost over $800 a month. I asked my company a few weeks ago if reducing my work week to 30 hours would be possible. They said "no" - I had to use FMLA. What happens when FMLA runs out and I get sick again? I was really disheartened by my company's policy. Many people probably continue to work even when they are ill just so they can keep their health insurance. This is no way to live. Working 40 hours a week is BS. Having only 3 weeks of PTO is BS. Working to age 65 is BS. I need to get out of the rat race asap.
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